I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just had sex on a roof
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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