i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
