I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
