curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
