I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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