You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
