i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
