so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
