Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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