i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
there is glitter all over my balls
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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