remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
