Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
