I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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