he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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