The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
