My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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