Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
