I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
