singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
They should really pass out barf bags in church
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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