She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
