My hand turned me down
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
