do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
