birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
