Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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