Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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