i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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