Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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