is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
