i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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