yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
