Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
