I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
