i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
