Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
