Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
