Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
