i think i have two assholes
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
