She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
