I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
