Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
