walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
