So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
