I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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