you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I came so hard my ears popped.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
