dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
