Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
