WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
