let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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