If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
