It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
