Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
