I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
